What does a "normal" bipolar world look like?

To the average person, bipolar doesn't exist. It may be an encounter with a person who is sad, or a person who is a bit excitable. These are the extremes that someone with bipolar experiences. There is no mask, label or name tag. There is no black and white, or gray and color. It's hazy, blurry and messy. In my experience, it's a friend, mother and brother who have issues dealing with their emotions. The in-between is the part that is their average and normal world which they live in.

I've discussed how my mother would bounce from one extreme to the other. There are a lot of in-betweens. There's days when we had company over and she'd disappear leaving me and my father to entertain company. It's been years later and she still has her depression weeks where she doesn't want anyone to know anything, she hides out and sleeps a lot. There have been situation changes that now prevent her from falling too deep into depression, including having her grandson move in full time, and my father retire and stay home as well. She also has some physical limitations now that keep her manic days under control more. Shopping was her manic, her high on life. Now shopping in stores is a necessity she completes as quick as possible to return home and rest.

My brother was a different story. It has been years since I have heard from him. I hear of him through my parents however. As he is growing older he has begun to level out more. He attempted college twice and the third time stuck, he finally found something that interests him, working on cars. He proceeded to get a certification to be a mechanic and works for himself and works for a giant company sitting behind a computer offering professional mechanics solutions to issues. He has managed to earn such a living that he is no longer dependent on government assistance. He is earning his own way throughout life now.

My friend has suffered with bipolar since he was a child. He didn't understand why he couldn't control his emotions. Why he wasn't happy like the other kids were. When he was happy why he felt even more so than the other children and he still stuck out like a sore thumb. Growing into it has helped him adjust. He struggled to find his way, attempted college twice and finally dropped out. Struggled with a love life, dated 3 women for varying lengths of time. Eventually he has found his way at 35 years old. He has 2 children now and struggles to maintain a routine for them. He hasn't been able to hold a steady job as that been a severe limitation for him.

For all 3 of the people that I know, the key to their sense of normal and happiness has been routines. There were some turbulent times, struggles with gaining an education, struggles with raising children, relationships, physical limitations and employment. The best for a person who has bipolar is to feel happy and normal, they want to be like everyone else.

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me is not true. Words are powerful and they can hurt. People used to be referred by their disability, not their own name. Who would like to be called a feeder, wheelchair, walker, or a behavior? It is disrespectful to refer to someone by their disability, it does not define them, it is simply a part of them. When a care taker refers to their client as a non-verbal, that is wrong. They should say that Sally communicates with her body language. Our language shapes our attitudes and our attitudes shape our language. Our language and attitudes are intertwined, driving the our actions.


Using person first language puts the person first, before their disability. They are a person just the same as you, your parents, siblings, and friends. You should inquire their name before anything else.

Pets as Therapy

For so many years people have used pets as therapy. The earliest reports I found is the mid 1800s in Germany. Farm animals and domestic animals were being cared for by people diagnosed as mentally ill. Using pets as therapy continues today in many situations, including people having a wide range of mental illnesses as well as health issues. Pets are great for keeping people company and relieving stress. It is relaxing to pet an animal that is calm, or wants to run and play catch.

Something was brought to my attention today as I had a traumatic experience today. It was brought to my attention how much our family dog impacted my brother. Despite all of the things that has happened, when it came to our dog he always calmed down. I'm not saying she worked miracles, but I believed she helped him. She was just a dog wanting attention and love. This dog had unconditional love no matter what was said or happened, even hours prior.

I am aware that not everyone can have a dog because of the expense, inconvenience of the time they require. I would encourage any parents whom have children with a mental illness of any variety to find a way so their child can spend time with an animal. Weather you volunteer at an animal shelter, or offer to walk a neighbor's dog occasionally. Maybe even go to a dog park for the child to even be around dogs.

Employment Opportunities

Most people that have a mental illness receive government assistance in the form of Social Security Income and Social Security Disability as well as food assistance. It varies of course depending on the person, their situation, and many other variables. It seems to come easy for some and very difficult for others just as things do in life. While receiving assistance, people can work at a volunteer position or for compensation. The amount of hours varies; it’s all dependent on what the government allows per everyone's case. 

Most people I know with Bipolar cannot hold a steady job. Jobs can come and go; it varies depending on the person, employer, and co-workers. My brother was able to hold a job for about a year. He was good friends with his co-workers and he had a close relationship with his boss. It came to an end when the employer asked him to do something that was morally wrong and he told him no. 

In the town I live in there is a few opportunities for people to work. It varies depending on the jobs and day. Some people can assemble boxes or displays. Some have an opportunity to paint and sell their paintings. Everyone has an opportunity to contribute to the community; it is up to their area Mental Health Services center to help find an outlet for the person to participate. 

Everyone has the right to be happy. 

Ways To Cope With Stress While Mentally Ill

How does one cope with having a mental illness? There are many ways that work differently for everyone in addition to medication and therapy. My brother's way of coping is to do physical activity that releases the rage within him. He participates in MMA fighting. This helps him to focus his every day angers that would have exploded in a negative way. His rage disorder and bipolar let him lose his temper at a moment's notice. Someone could look at him the wrong way before and he would confront them in their face. Now he can let things go easier, in part because of his medications, his ability to understand his own moods and keep himself out of trouble, which comes with growing up. He also has the physical outlet to release built up anger.

Another way of coping with a mental illness is to focus energies on other things. For my cousin with a wide variety of mental illnesses she has asked me to not share, painting has become a favorite hobby. She loves it and it helps to relieve her stress from daily life and struggles. She enjoys just putting all of her thoughts onto a canvas and being able to reflect later at them.

Painting is known to help people who have autism as well and cannot communicate easily through spoken or written words. I have purchased a painting for a Christmas gift from this site; it was painted by someone with autism.

What is Mental Illness?

Have you or anyone else ever said someone looks retarded? What did they look like? Were you describing their clothes or their hair, maybe their glasses or smile? Calling someone retarded is ridiculous. People don't ask for a mental illness, and it’s nothing to joke about. People who have one are born or develop their mental illness; there is no right or wrong way that people look. What are some of the major mental illnesses? 

• Mood disorders that affect how one feels, such as Depression and Bi-polar.
• Anxiety which makes one feels anxious about impending danger or feeling ill at ease. Examples include Obsessive-compulsive disorder, Phobias and Post-traumatic stress disorder.
• Psychotic disorders which are characterized by detachment from reality, such as Schizophrenia
• Cognitive disorders affect one’s ability to think and reason, such as Dementia and Alzheimer's disease
• Developmental disorders which typically begin at a young age include ADHD and Autism.
• Personality disorders includes unhealthy behavior that causes problems in one’s life, examples include Borderline Personality disorder and Antisocial Personality disorder.
• Other disorders that include disorders of impulse control sleep, sexual functioning and eating. Also included are dissociative disorders, in which your sense of self is disrupted, and somatoform disorders, in which there are physical symptoms with no clear cause, such as Munchausen syndrome.

Mental illness does not have an appearance, you have no right to judge anyone. I just ask next time before you judge someone, think about your implications and actions. Words really do sting. They've had enough of a hard life, please be kind. I treat people the way I wish to be treated, with respect and love. 

Current and Future Relationship with my Family

Someone asked me how I have coped and dealt with the things life has thrown at me. I have never been a very religious person, but I firmly believe in karma. It has taken lots of time and growing up to learn that I cannot change the past. I know if I let myself stay miserable then I'll never make it anywhere in life. I've overcame many obstacles in my life, and I'm sure I'll keep going. The only thing I can change about any of this is how I reflect upon the past. My attitude is the only thing I can change. Despite having so many bad things etched into my memory, I try to remember positives too. Part of this blog is to try to reflect on the positive parts because they are hard to remember for me.

The current relationship I have with my mother & brother are quite different. My brother has been through a lot, and I'll never understand most of it. He has worked many jobs, collects SSI, treats women as a piece of meat, and has never been to jail. After he was 18 he took off and ended up at a homeless shelter in Flint without any meds. He decided for whatever reason that he didn't need any of the meds that doctors had spent 10 years getting just right. Due to his violent, explosive nature I haven't spent much time with him since we were teens. There have only been a few times I have seen him. One time was just before last Christmas, it was the first time we had ever cooperated long enough to go in together to get our mother a Christmas present, which she didn't like in the end. Shortly after he decided that I was a horrible person for my life choices and threatened to come shoot me in my apartment. I called the city cops to report the threat so it was at least on file, they informed me that if he shows up to give them a call back! Luckily he never followed through with his threat, and I think he's forgotten about it since. I haven't spoken to him in nearly a year; I doubt that we ever could have much of a relationship. I can never understand where his anger stems from or why he does what he has. I have heard things about him due to living in the same town; like that he was on steroids. I have heard from my father of how racist he is, being very offensive last summer in front of my uncle, who is black and been part of our family since before we were ever born. I have heard from my half-sister how hateful he was towards our infant nephew. I feel sorry for him, but I have to look out for myself too.

My mother is a very rocky road. In general she still treats me the same way as when I was growing up. She still snips at me sometimes and carries a demanding tone of voice on the phone. I am not comfortable trying to initiate a conversation with her, as she carries this attitude that leaves me feeling worse than before I had spoken with her a majority of the time. Since I had moved out our relationship has gone through some phases. When I first moved out she would find random boxes of things that belonged to me and want me to take them home. She would get other things for me, such as towels and clothes that I didn't need. I finally had to tell her that although I appreciated the thought, I really don't need anything else. It was lukewarm, with few conversations for a few years. When I had a horrible situation and asked her for help, she turned her back on me. I have tried to forgive since but it’s difficult. In the last year since my nephew was born (sister's baby) my mother has wanted me around a lot more. She told me one time that I'm useless unless I have a baby. She has never supported me going to school for a degree, instead she believes I should have had a baby and done nothing with my life. It’s hard sometimes when I'm struggling with my own thoughts of the future. I just keep trying my best, in the end I know that I'll be a better mother one day; I'll love my child and tell them that every single day. I cannot remember ever hearing those words out of her mouth. 

I wish everyone a good day, and remember to tell those around you how much you love them. You never know what the future is bringing.